Flailing About

I feel as if I should be updating this more often… But my life has recently encountered a lot of changes, and I’ve either been trying to keep busy, or doing nothing (because who really wants to do something all the time?). Among these changes is me thinking in the long term. So, I’ve been flailing about trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and what God wants. It’s funny… A lot of people I know are in the same boat, but it still feels like I’m all alone in this sometimes. Like, can they really understand? The answer is of course they can. Just because minor things may be different, we’re all still trying to find ourselves.

I like to think I’m a special case though. We all are, in our own, unique ways (boy do I sound contradictory). But I’m special because I know too much about myself. I know so much, that I can’t pin down what I want to do. I know I want to travel, but I also want to be able to go home when I need to. I want to eat TONS of food, and I want to cook it all myself. But I also want to try authentic street food from all over the world. I want to write, act, sing (I know I can’t, but I’m not that bad… Am I?), and I want to play with dogs and cats all day. I want to educate, and learn. I want to serve, and be served (hey, who doesn’t?). I want to open my own little tea house. I want people all over the States (and the world) to try Coco’s Curry House by bringing it to them, or them to it. I want to live in warm weather, but feel the need to visit Alaska and Antarctica and Russia in the winter. I want to learn what it’s like to be a photographer, and I want to learn to work a video camera… You know, be on the film crew somewhere. I want to dispel myths, and crypozoolicgal creatures. Those, by the way, are creatures with no evidence they exist, like the yeti. I want to learn to fly a plane. I want to skydive for a living. And so much more.

So how do I do all of this? Surely it can’t be done all at once. I say at once because I know that people can do all that and more during a lifetime, and I don’t want to count myself out. So what do I do first? Where do I need to go first? Where does God want me? Honestly, I have no idea. I’m still flailing about, running around in circles. Sometimes, I want to go get my Masters, but in what? And sometimes, I just want to go out and do something, but what? How can I really know that what I feel and what I want, are right? So here I am. On the precipice. Ready to jump… Kind of. I don’t know why I’m jumping, I just know that when I do, I’ll find out. I hope. Maybe? All I know is that I need to jump. Figuratively, of course.

So watch out world. Here I come… Not knowing what I’m doing, but you can be sure, I’ll be doing it with a ferocity unlike anything you’ve ever seen before! Oh yeah, and I’ll be updating this a little more often. 🙂


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