Forgive and Forget?

I’ve heard that we should always forgive and forget, but I’ve also heard we should forgive but never forget. So which is it? Turn the other cheek? Not let them have a chance at the other cheek? And if we forgive, what does that mean? Does that mean we can live our lives not wishing a horrible death on them? Or something more? That we can wish them to be truly happy? That they have a good life? What if they did something terrible? What if it was just something little? Can a lie really be held to the same standard as rape?

Well, I don’t know. I get so many different opinions. And everyone is trying to tell me that they, and only they are right. So I gotta turn somewhere else for my answers. God. God knows the answer I’m looking for. So, what is the answer? Well, to God, sin is sin and there is no sin that is greater than any other. They all need repenting of. And God will never cease to give us second chances. I once heard that God forgives and forgets. Once our sin has been cast from us, He will never bring it back up. I don’t know if that’s forgetting, or true forgiveness. Actually, I do know. That is true forgiveness. Not bringing up past wrongs. Not rubbing someone’s nose in it 15 years later. So, maybe He doesn’t forget, but He truly doesn’t ever let past sins influence the way He feels about us now.

So, according to God, we should always forgive, and mean it. Never bring up the wrong ever again. And all wrongs are the same. ┬áThere is no weight value. But what about our court system? They don’t do things that way. And for good reason. People who murder need to face more severe consequences than people who steal from the local gas station. Why? Because consequences are different for sins of different caliber. Even God thinks this way. Yes, He’ll forgive you of any sin and you can never sin too much for Him. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t face the consequences of your sin. If you have an affair and contract an STD, you still have to live with that STD. Just because God forgives you doesn’t mean you don’t have to live with the consequence.

So, even though I’ve forgiven people for lying to me, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have to work to get my trust back. Some never will. Will I ever forget these wrongs? Some, yes. Others, no. But I won’t forget them for a very good reason. I learned from them. I grew from them. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I just forgot about them.

Up In The Air

Wow. The story of my life lately can be summed up by those four words.

Yes, I have a job. But no, I have no idea when I’ll be working past this Thursday. I am in a constant state of limbo, and I’m starting to see the effects on people around me. People I care about. I wish there was something I could do. Something concrete. Something sure. It sucks when my life affects me, but even more so when it affects those around me too. My life is a far cry from normal. I’ve forgotten what it looks like. I’ve forgotten why I came home. I’ve forgotten why I ever give anyone a chance to get close to me. I’ve forgotten my dreams. Where I want to go. Who I want to be. What I want to do. And now, I’m stuck. Stuck up in the air without a clue how to get down. How to normalize. How to get started with life again.

I guess you could say I feel like I’m not even living my life. I’m stuck in neutral. I can’t get out of it. I’m in a rut. Or, rather, I’m in a whirlwind of people, opinions, thoughts, actions, wants, needs, and directions. I don’t have my exit buddy. How am I supposed to jump without my exit buddy? I need someone to just come, take my hand, and lead me. I need it spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I’m sick of holding the reigns. I’m ready to give them up. Maybe then, I’ll know where I’m going, who I’m going to be, and what I’m going to do. Because I’ll have someone, there, with me, letting me know it’s OK.

I just want life to settle back down. I want to know when I can plan outings with friends. Where I can go to church and feel welcome. When I can go back to school, get my degree in linguistics and become fluent in Japanese and Turkish. When I can get out of student loan debt. Where I can go. What I can do. What I can be.