The Letter

Well, I have been MIA for a while… But it feels good to be back. 🙂

Last weekend, I went to an amazing conference with some great friends. It was the Real Marriage Tour with Mark Driscoll. Yeah… Four unmarried friends went to a marriage thing together. Good thing it was for singles as well! Plus, it’s never too early to prepare for your marriage! It was a blast. I learned so much and was challenged in many ways. Namely, that I was still struggling with my divorce. I was still very bitter, mad, confused, and hurt by it. So I decided to let all that go and move on.

Then, a few days later, I got a letter in the mail. I never get letters unless it’s from a credit card company trying to get me to get their card or from my bank trying to talk me into a home mortgage loan. Neither of which I need… So I was very surprised to see a plain envelope on my desk when I got home from work. Then I saw the handwriting and the return address… It was from my ex-husband. I didn’t even know what to do, so I started crying. I was so mad. I was so confused. I was so hurt. I was so… Curious. So I opened the envelope and inside was a check from DirecTV made out to me and a note. The note was short. Simple. He said that he had gotten that check from when he closed the DirecTV account, and since I was the name on the account, they sent me the check. Naturally, I was relieved that it wasn’t some, “I hate you and I hope you die a sudden and terrible death” letter. I don’t know why I thought it would be that, but I did.

Well, that sure had some funny timing. If it had come before the Real Marriage Tour, I would have probably just been all mad about him contacting me out of the blue, even if it was to give me money. Haha! But I stopped and really thought about it. I prayed about it. I sought advice about it. And I came to realize that I was still holding onto bitterness and unforgivneness. So I decided to do something about it. First, I asked God to forgive me of my sins during that time in my life. And I asked God to help me forgive myself. Lastly, I asked God to forgive my ex-husband. Then, I sat down and wrote a letter back. I asked him to forgive me and told him that I forgave him. I could have just told myself that I forgave him and he never really needed to actually hear/read it… But I knew that wasn’t what I needed to do. So I wrote. And I know now that I can move on. There is nothing holding me back. I am free from the burden of bitterness, anger, confusion, hurt, sadness, and unforgiveness.

It feels good. Being free. It’s a light, joyful feeling. It’s a secure feeling. It’s a feeling rooted in God. And I hope I never lose this feeling. I know I will carry other burdens, but I pray that through them, God will be with me and will carry me when I need it. I rest assured knowing God will always get me through.

Thank you, God.